Saturday, February 7, 2009

Clarify I Must

Girls, I need to clarify something here, I promise that I am finished with these posts but there is something that I failed to say.......

I live with abusive husbands for over 20 years. When one marriage failed the next one would be more extreme. Had the Lord not intervened in the story that I last wrote I would have gone back to that man. What we all need to understand is that the cycle of battered women is a sickness and she first needs healing. If healing does not come, she will return to the pattern. Many women die at the hands of their husbands, and many women kick and scream and post bail when one is jailed for the very abuse that she has endured. KNOWING full well that he will beat her again. She knows, she just does not know how to get out. Some fight back quickly and leave to heal, some take years as was my case. Years of searching for who I was. I had no help.

You see, she has low self esteem, she cannot find anyone else to love her, if she leaves him what will she do. Her perspective is distorted by years of lack, whether that lack came from the home when she was a child which was my case or other outside and INSIDE influenced in her life. Please know that we do not want to live like that but we are behind invisible bars that only God can see. Do not judge her, love her, validate her. She is looking for validation that she is WORTHY..... The world has no idea how to help her, but we do. Be VERY patient with her but behind the scene research her options. (BUT if she is in physical danger then you do your best to get her out of that house , there are laws now that I did not have.)
Find out what community services she can utilize. See if there is a shelter for battered women. Most towns have one. There is help and hope for her, but to judge her for her fear only adds to her burden. Love her, listen to her, speak the word of God to her. Be her friend, walk beside her and when she is ready to break free you will have done your job and you will be able to advise her as to what she can do. We are the voice and hands of Christ....... and it is Christ that can bring to her healing. The cycle is broken under the shed blood of Christ.


Wednesday, February 4, 2009

He Was Not Pleased

Ladies, I know I told you that the last in postings on divorce would be short but I was compelled by the Lord to share with you this one story. It is a bit long but I promise you it will be worth your time, and it might, just might save the life of some little gal you might meet down the road.

Love you all lots and thanks for reading and thanks for the wonderful comments......

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The verbal abuse was daily now, it used to be only when he was in a bad mood, but seems his mood was bad most of the time now. The physical abuse was escalating and he was becoming more violent with each rage. Swollen eyes and back and blue marks, bruised ribs and marks that no one every saw, scars and bruises on my spirit and heart. I had been born again only a few months and he was not happy about that. The spiritual warfare in the home was thick enough to breath. Of course I had no idea what that was.
My spirit man was hungry for the Lord but my flesh lived in fear of him seeing me with a bible. Late nights and afternoons while he was gone was best.

Don't know what started the fight this particular night but things go bad quick. It did not take much, dinner too hot or too cold or dishes sitting on the sink counter, or the car was moved and he wanted to know where I had been. This evening things got out of hand quick, but this time he chose to take it out on my son, or so he thought. I got between him and the boys and took the full fury of his demonic rage. The boys hurried to the car and as soon as I could escape his grip I followed them and I headed home to Grandmothers, a place of safety. I was about 30 miles from Grandma's house but I made a stop along the way to another house about 2 miles from me.

Battered and bleeding and broken ribs and broken spirit I left my two boys with the friends and collected a double barrel shot gun with instructions as to how to shoot. I headed back to the country to collect a few items that were precious to me and some money hid in a sock. By the time I got back he had consumed countless beers and was semi passed out. I moved past him (he was sitting on the porch) into the house and the bedroom where I had a few things ready to go at all times. Collecting the items I moved past him and headed to the car. I was about half way across the yard when I heard him stand up.

Out of his mouth poured vile cursing from the pits of hell and threats that he could get to me before I could reach the car.
I am not sure where the courage came from or maybe you choose to call it something else. Reaching the car and knowing that he was coming up behind me, I reached inside the back window and retrieved the shotgun from the seat. Turning to face him (as he was halfway to me) he stopped. I am thankful to the Lord that he stopped. I very quietly told him that if he took another step he would be facing God and not a God as his savior but a God as his judge and I advised him that he really did not want to do that. He backed quietly to the porch; I slid into the front seat and quickly drove away.
After spending three days with Grandmother, I made the decision to go home. I left the boys with her as it was summertime and no need to worry about school. I remember praying as I left the house for direction and guidance. I could not face another divorce , I just could not. I was pouring my heart out to my new found Father as I drove the 30 miles to the country. I remember praying and praying that if I was in mortal danger of losing my life (of course I was in danger) that HE would stop me. I remember exactly where on the highway I asked those things.
As I drove up into my yard that day, it was around noon or so and there as a strange car in the drive way. It bore Texas tags and I heard music coming from my back door. When I turned the handle I found it locked, and at that very moment the door opened, and there she stood, his exwife. I had met her several times in the past when she would come to visit her son that would spend some summer months with us. She stood looking at me and I am sure that there was shock on my face as well. Long story short, he had called her and asked her to please come and move in with him and bring their son. She was in my home, cooking dinner on my brand new stove, placing my dishes on my table and cooking my food. I moved past her for just a few minutes and gathered what I could put in the car, clothes is all she would let me have.

You have to understand that it was my house and everything in it was mine long before I met him. The home was the first one I remember it was so perfect for me and the boys. Two acres out in the country with two huge ponds with lots of fish. Nothing bore his name and nothing in the home belonged to him except his clothes.
It is not about the things, it is about the heartache at that moment.
I drove home in silence , back to grandmothers and I can tell you that the brokenness of my heart was overwhelming at times and at times I had to stop the car just to catch my breath. How could this be, where is God? Not another divorce. I could not bear the thought of my future. Praying through the sobs I continued home. It was then almost at the exact place in the road earlier that I had prayed that HE keep me safe from harm and stop me if I needed to be stopped, something came over me like a cool mist. It filled my car and I was so overwhelmed with the "feeling" that I looked around to see if I had gone through a summer shower. It was not outside it was inside the car. There were no voices, no thunder or lightning, just an overwhelming sense of not being alone. I finished the trip home without the sobbing and with peace that HE would work things out.


It was almost 8 months latter that I finally decided that I needed to deal with my home. I was working hard at two jobs and trying to give my boys a peaceful life but I was making a house payment on that house that they were living in. Paying the insurance and taxes and payments and it needed to end. Armed with eviction notice and the local sheriff I once more pulled into the driveway that I once called home. They were there, they were served with the eviction notice and were given 24 hours to vacate the property, 24 hours later they were gone and there was not even a piece of paper left behind. Everything that I owned was gone, clothes and toys and furniture and pictures and well, you know what all it takes to make up a home. I had the option of filing papers on them but decided that God had saved me from certain death and things could be replaced.

I went to a Christian attorney more than a year and half after this happened and filed for divorce.
Many years later, I would be studying the word of God and I came across this scripture.

let her not leave him.1 Corth 7:13
And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her,

New Testament Greek word eudokeĊ (pleased) be well please, have pleasure, be willing, be (one's) good pleasure, take pleasure, think good, it seems good to one, is one's good pleasure think it good, choose, determine, decide class to do willingly to be ready to, to prefer, choose rather to be well pleased with, take pleasure in, to be favorably inclined towards one.

A Man that is beating you is NOT pleased to dwell.......

Did I have the right to walk out that night and leave him and go toward safety. You bet your sweet butt I did. Did I have the right to flee from a man that was not "pleased" to dwell with me. You bet I did.
We are NOT punching bags for the demons and devils of hell to take their frustrations out on. We do NOT have a Father God that tells us to "be a good Christian" and let him beat you and abuse you.
HE has made provision for us. I have had the opportunity in the past to council with women in the shelters about the love of God. I have told them that NO they do not need to go back in order for God to love them, how absurd. Do not put yourself in harm's way. Let God deal with that situation but get yourself out of the middle of it.

I do not say run and divorce, I say run!

Let God work and change that man, let God do what God does best, rescue you from certain danger. HE (God) will either get to the mans heart and change him or God will loose you from that hold. Which ever way it goes, know that God is so in love with you and HE is a jealous lover and HE will set your feet on solid ground.

Are we looking for justifiable sin... NO..... but we are in need of wisdom. My people are destroyed because of the lack of knowledge. What knowledge? The knowledge that God has made provision for EVERY single thing in your life and HE has giving specific instruction on everything that you can encounter.
I have no doubt in my mind that I would have been dead years ago and my two boys harmed or scattered had I remained in that home. If you know of someone that is being abused, offer them sanctuary in the word of God, offer them hope and life outside of being beat and abused.

For far too long religion has held us captive in prison without bars and God was unreachable to the broken woman. HE is not unreachable and HIS heart breaks every time a man lays his hands on a woman. It is not in the plan , it is not what is intended.......

For that very reason HE placed a few scriptures in the book of John and did not give her a name and in those scriptures is the epitome of Grace. It is by definition the pure gospel of Christ. HE came to save the sinner... The woman at the well, the prostitute the drug addict, the alcoholic in the gutter laying in his own vomit. The lost and undone and the unlovable the divorced and the unworthy sinners were made worthy by the shed blood of the Christ.

1 John 4:7

Beloved, let us love one another: for love is of God; and every one that loveth is born of God, and knoweth God.


Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Seeds Of Ignorance



Long before I was born again I was trying MY best to find something that made sense...... I came upon a "preacher" and girls I use that term very loosely. His instruction to me (when I poured out my heart to him as to the brokenness of my life) was (your are not going to believe this) You need to go and find your first husband, he needs to divorce his wife and then the two of you marry again and then God can save you. My head is still spinning over that one. I left that office so confused as to what in the world I was going to do with my life and it would be several years before the Father God could push through THAT mess and get to my heart. And due to the utter hopelessness of that day I fell even further deeper into the darkness that surrounded me.
Ignorance gone to seed!

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He was just a young boy around the age of 13 and he very much loved his uncle. His uncle was his friend and mentor and he loved him so. It was early morning and while on his way to work the unspeakable happened. The fog was so thick and the uncle misjudged the curve of the road, he hit the bridge. He died. His uncle was gone, his grief was more than the young boy could voice.

While sitting quiet at the funeral home, wanting to spend just a few more hours before he would be gone from his life forever this young boy of 13 was catapulted into a darkness that remains with him today. Those words spoken out of religious ideology drove him from the room and from God... And it remains today.


"It is such a shame she said, as she stood standing over her son's body, I guess he will spend eternity in hell, I just could not get him to give up that beer."

That was 50 years or so ago, that young boy of 13 relives that voice to this very day. How could a God that they spoke of as that of a loving Father, condemn a man because of a can of beer?"
He has no use for God......

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The ignorance of the self righteous scribes of the times of Christ and the times in which we live, have matured and gone to seed, spreading their words filled with the condemnation that will somehow justify their sin. They spread their seed along the way as they go and somehow their sin is less than mine and they do their good deeds in order to win favor with God.

There is NO justification for sin, if it be stealing a pencil or taking a life. If you have looked for justification in your life or wanted justification for another just to ease your mind or easy your soul then there is none.

I struggled with this for so years and it took my strength and my joy and my hope for tomorrow... I sought the favor of man and wanted to be accepted by "them". I wanted to discard my scarlet letter and pretend that it was not visible to the world, I wanted to be free of the invisible chains that man placed upon me.

I found the release I was looking for in a man called The Christ. I am justified by one minuscule drop of HIS blood. There is no sin that I have committed before I met HIM that HE deems unforgivable, and I am made new and all things have .

11 Coirthinans 5:17 Therefore if any man [be] in Christ, [he is] a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.
I am in Christ, I have become new.


AND the sin that I have committed since that day HE has made provision for.

1 John 2:1 My little children, these things write I unto you, that ye sin not. And if any man sin, we have an advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the righteous.

He stands before the Father and makes intercession for ME...........

If I believe just one word in the Word of God then I have to believe every word written there in....
I am justified by the shed blood of Jesus and nothing other than that. Whether that sin be divorce or lying, or stealing, or murder and the list goes on and on. I find nothing in the word that separates one person and their sin from another and a different sin. We are all sinners saved by grace.

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This final thought.... I read on the internet a few days ago while studying about this woman at the well.. and I came across this statement.........

If you find yourself in a place where you have married and divorced and married again. When you discover that you need to be reconciled to God then I suggest to you that you seek out the advise of someone that can help you figure out how to you will be able to reconcile yourself to God.........
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Here is my answer to that...............
Mat 27:51 And, behold, the veil of the temple was rent in twain from the top to the bottom;

That veil separated the inner court from the Holy of Holies in the Temple. No one could go into the Holy of Holies except the priest and only once a year. It is where the presence was God dwelt. The instant that Christ called out, "It is Finished", that veil rent from the top to the bottom giving all access into the Holy of Holies. Christ just purchased my salvation, I am now justified because of HIS sacrifice. I have access to the throne room, I have access to the Father of the Universe. I need that no man be intercessor other than Christ.


Romans 3:20 Therefore by the deeds of the law there shall no flesh be justified in his sight: for by the law [is] the knowledge of sin.

Rom 3:21 But now the righteousness of God without the law is manifested, being witnessed by the law and the prophets;

Rom 3:22 Even the righteousness of God [which is] by faith of Jesus Christ unto all and upon all them that believe: for there is no difference:
Rom 3:23 For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God;

Rom 3:24 Being justified freely by his grace through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus:

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I think that pretty much says it all...........
I have one more scripture to share with you on Thursday. It is the scripture that I want you to expound on. It is a scripture that is needed by those that are in an abusive relationship and what God has to say about it........ It will be a very short post......... I look forward to your input.