Saturday, February 7, 2009

Clarify I Must

Girls, I need to clarify something here, I promise that I am finished with these posts but there is something that I failed to say.......

I live with abusive husbands for over 20 years. When one marriage failed the next one would be more extreme. Had the Lord not intervened in the story that I last wrote I would have gone back to that man. What we all need to understand is that the cycle of battered women is a sickness and she first needs healing. If healing does not come, she will return to the pattern. Many women die at the hands of their husbands, and many women kick and scream and post bail when one is jailed for the very abuse that she has endured. KNOWING full well that he will beat her again. She knows, she just does not know how to get out. Some fight back quickly and leave to heal, some take years as was my case. Years of searching for who I was. I had no help.

You see, she has low self esteem, she cannot find anyone else to love her, if she leaves him what will she do. Her perspective is distorted by years of lack, whether that lack came from the home when she was a child which was my case or other outside and INSIDE influenced in her life. Please know that we do not want to live like that but we are behind invisible bars that only God can see. Do not judge her, love her, validate her. She is looking for validation that she is WORTHY..... The world has no idea how to help her, but we do. Be VERY patient with her but behind the scene research her options. (BUT if she is in physical danger then you do your best to get her out of that house , there are laws now that I did not have.)
Find out what community services she can utilize. See if there is a shelter for battered women. Most towns have one. There is help and hope for her, but to judge her for her fear only adds to her burden. Love her, listen to her, speak the word of God to her. Be her friend, walk beside her and when she is ready to break free you will have done your job and you will be able to advise her as to what she can do. We are the voice and hands of Christ....... and it is Christ that can bring to her healing. The cycle is broken under the shed blood of Christ.

10 comments:

Denise said...

Amen, we need to help one another, love you.

Diane said...

Dear Denise, thirty years ago there wasn't the women's shelters, maybe not even the laws. We were stuck, no money, no where to go and no options. In my case it was the Lord's tender care that led me safely out of a terrible situation. Sometimes now I forget how desperate it was then. Sometimes I need to be reminded how wonderful my life is now.

Sorry to take up so much space but I must tell you - in the end my husband tried to kill me and my three little girls and then he succeeded in killing himself. I shudder about this as I write. I'm going to go now and give my sometimes aggrevating husband a big hug.

Deb said...

Like I said. . .Love you:)You are a strong voice with a story that needs to be heard!! Speak it! God will Bless it!

PEA said...

Dearest Denise,

I've just caught up with your last few posts (I'm always behind! lol) and my heart goes out to you for what you have had to endure in your lifetime. To think that you were able to rise above it all and with the help of God, be where you are today, is indeed awesome. xoxo

Annette said...

I love you!!! This just isnt fair that you or anybody else should have to had gone through this, why do people need to be so mean, what does it prove? but going through everything has made a you a wonderful woman who knows how to reach our hearts with God's words...I love you sweet friend of mine.
Love to you
Annette

Donetta said...

Hay Sis, you do us a good service here. Thank you for your courage.
Courage is a choice.
You have done well.
Love you.

"Just Me - NC Beth" said...

Out of all bad things, good can come from it (Romans 8:28).

While you had to endure years of abuse, you have been made stronger by it and now an advocate against abuse and what to do about it! And an encourager to those who may even be struggling through the very same thing.

Blessings on you!

~Beth

Hootin' Anni said...

From my daughter's experience in the same she has become stronger, and she is now getting her PhD in ministry so she can counsel abused families be they men OR women.

Edge of Design said...

I have always heard it said that "God hates divorce" and I accepted that for what it was. I didn't question the source. It's written in Malachi 2:16. The translation I am reading from says "For I hate divorce" and to me, that's straight from God. Enough said! You would think, huh? Well not quite...my bible also says "and him who covers his clothing with violence" Wouldn't you take that to mean the cruel man? Pretty heavy duty, huh? I've never seen that before.

All I know for certain is that "What God has joined together, let no man (or woman) separate". Marriage is a covenant not a contract and that there is such a thing as God's Grace that far surpasses any human judgment, condemnation, guilt, shame or fear. :)

debbie said...

DEAR DENISE,
I FOUND YOUR BLOG WHEN I WAS POSTING ON ANOTHER BLOG.
IN OUR SMALL OKLAHOMA TOWN THIS LAST FRIDAY...48 PLUS HOURS AGO...A WOMAN WITH A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST HER HUSBAND...DIED OF A SEVERE STABBING FROM HER ex-HUSBAND WHEN HE ENTERED HER HOME....SHE DIED ON THE KITCHEN FLOOR AS HER 17 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER SCREAMED FOR HELP OVER 911.....
THE STABBER....THE EX-HUSBAND DROVE TO EVANS DRUG STORE WHICH IS ALSO LIKE A SPORTING GOODS STORE.....ASK TO SEE ONE OF THEIR RIFLES AND THEN ASK TO LOOK AT THE BULLETS WHERE HE PRECEDED TO PUT THE BULLET IN THE BARREL OF THE SHOTGUN AND FIRED INTO HIS HEAD......NOONE IN THE STORE ON FRIDAY WILL EVER BE THE SAME,,,,,,A WOMAN DIED AT THE HANDS OF A MAN WHOM SHE HAD A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST....HE KILLS HIMSELF IN FRONT OF INNOCENT PEOPLE WHOM I DO NOT NEED TO DESCRIBE THE HORROR OF THE SCENE...IT IS SO VERY TRAGICE....THEY HAD A 17 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER...A SON 10 YEARS OLD... AND I THINK A SON 4 YEARS OLD THAT WILL GROW UP WITHOUT A MOTHER'S LOVE....
YOU ARE SOO RIGHT....YOU CANNOT STAY IN AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP.......NOONE IS IN FAVOR OF DIVORCE BUT GOD WOULD NOT WANT ANYONE TO ENDURE BEATINGS AND THAT PERSON NEEDS TO BE WILLING TO GET HELP AND YOU SEE THEM WITH OTHER PEOPLE PRESENT BUT NEVER ALONE.
BLESSINGS TO YOU
IF YOU GET A CHANCE VISIT MY BLOG...I AM A FAIRLY NEW BLOGGER
debbie