Sunday, February 10, 2008

The Warrior Is A Child



There are just some days when I do not have to be strong....... I think that I try to be strong so I will appear spiritual.......... I don't want to be spiritual, I want to be a child "in" Christ........... I am a dominate personality and that is something that the Lord has really had to work on the past few years... and not to sob out "oh poor me" but the harshness of the world caused me to become far to hardened. I had lived with abuse far too many years before the Lord gave me the gift of Dennis. Maybe over time I will share some of those experiences...

.....I do believe that they have made me stronger, but they also have made me a bit more hard headed. Anyone that knows me will say amen to that..... However, who I was in Christ was buried in the rubble that the world heaped on top of me and the delusions of life that had been put there by the lies of the enemy.

..... When I was born again in 1977, and many years after that when the abuse finally ended I was a trash can full of the world and my Father God had to roll up His sleeves and begin to uncover the Denise that He created. There are things that He must do for us in order for us just to survive and then there are things that He will ask us to do. That is fair, but there is one thing that only He alone can do and that is to return to us our worth.

........There were times before that day in 1977 that I would shake my fist in the face of God and swear to Him that I would never be treated like that again and if He were going to allow it to continue then He was not the God I thought He was...... (I was a lost and undone woman with no idea of who He was anyway, Just a God that I had read about in Sunday School )

..........I searched for worth in so many places and created alter egos so others would accept me that when Jesus found me I had no idea who I was, where I was going or what in the world I was even put here for. He had to sift through the rubble and begin to uncover Denise. He has done a good job, today I know who I am and I no longer need the approval of any man.

......My standing in Christ is just as sure and steadfast when I am sitting in my comfy chair or sitting in a pew... or wielding my sword or just whispering in His ear names of those that need a touch. Who I am is no longer an issue with me as much as where I stand in Christ. It is in the simple gesture of my Father God turning His eyes toward me and my eyes catching His glance that my spirit man is renewed and my worth becomes validated once again..........

......We are human.......... we women were created emotional.......... He knows that......... He expects that............. there is an order for our lives........... first a child of the God....... then a woman....... then a wife..... then a mother.............. then all else........... We need to allow ourselves to be just a child on occasions and lay down the armor ........... and just sit at His feet.................. and I have to remind my self of that pretty often......... I cannot fix anything but I want to ...... I am not the savior or healer of anyone I want to be ...... I cannot be strong all the time, but I want to be............ but I am just me......... and that is ok....... and sometimes I just cry..........

Love you gals a lot....... and pray for each of you today......... that is will be a "child" day........ and you can just rest...........





11 comments:

Karen H. said...

Good Morning Denise,
What a beautiful and truthful post this morning. "THANK YOU" for sharing it. I know where you are coming from in being abused. I was that way in my first marriage. It is so hard to get over things like that. I'm so "THANKFUL" now that I have a wonderful husband who doens't treat me that way. Sometimes when I see something on t.v., it does bring back some of those horrible memories. If my DH is at home when I see them, I talk to him about it. But GOD has helped me to put the past in the past and let me get on with my life that he gave me. I finally put up a new post this morning. Hopefully things will get back to normal around here since my DH had left for work. Take care my friend and have a great day. May God Bless You and Yours.

Love & Hugs,
Karen H.

MelanieJoy said...

Denise,
Thank you for this post. Someone I love very much is in a marriage that is not good. You'll have to see my last post to get the details. Anyway, I see her getting so defensive and she stays in that mode 24/7. I'm glad to hear you victory story....gives me more hope.

Chris said...

Denise,
So wonderful to read your post. I,too, had to walk through challenges to trust God and be who I am today. An abusive Dad, a cheating first husband, an abusive second husband... I thought I could "fix" things. But nothing was "fixed" until I handed my life over to God and asked for His guidance over and over. He brought me through x-ray school at age 36, he led me out of the abusive marriage, he found me employment and he brought my sweet sweet DH to me when I was not even looking. Praise God!!! Hands held high, looking up, I will be a "child" of God today. Thank you!

SharonB said...

My sweet Denise, I understand so much of what you wrote...God has spent much time replacing lies for truth and showing me just how beloved I am in Christ. My worth is found in Him....

Keep on looking to Him sister...

Sharon said...

First I have to say that I read you comment on someone else's blog---we don't need anymore fluff. I do it every once in a while to allow for the occasional over load of info. I don't want to put so much out there that all of it ends up in the garbage can.
This is good. I just wrote on the armor yesterday. And today I am one of those little children needing the attention of my Daddy God in heaven.
He knows this warrior is a child. She often runs through the halls of the great throne room to crawl up into the lap of her Daddy. It is a safe place. And when I am there he assures me of his love. And then He sets me back on my feet--and says, Let's go getem!

We all need to know that He knows us underneath the armor. I don't have to try and be "something" for Hims to approve of me.
This is something I have to remind myself of.
We need each other. I need to hear that you have been there--and you are still standing. Maybe you sat for awhile--but you are here.
Do not stop speaking. After people have made their way through the fluff they will need some meat to complete the journey.
Meat builds muscle.
Praying for you girl.Standing with you arm n arm in prayer.
And those are my thoughts :)--on the matter.
Love ya girl

Denise said...

Bless you for sharing your heart with us dear one. I praise God for helping you to be an overcomer. I totally agree with you about needing to be a child sometimes. I am in that stage right now, I daily crawl up in my Fathers lap, and have a big cry. It refreshes me , and prepares me to go back in the battle. I love you.

Denise said...

Come by my blog, I have some awards for you.

Sharon said...

Seems the love is going around--I see Denise was here too.
Come on over for a little sweet blogging love.
Praying for you--standing with you.

BunnyGirl said...

I love the idea of being a child. It's something God says to me frequently but something I still struggle with. I'm quite independent (or dependent on the wrong things) so its tough. I am so glad that you have Dennis and that God is renewing you and giving back the years the locusts have eaten in your life.

The Urban Chic said...

Dennis, I read your post at Deena's blog and your words touched me and had to come by and read more. Thanks to God for sending me here, as I am in one of my down moods, so I go where I can be lead out of the darkness, so today, I am resting in my cupcake pjs to rest my weary mind and Let God take control today. thanks and many hugs.

Connie@Little Red Hearts From God said...

AMEN...

for we are a new creation...and we do teach people how to treat us, do we not..?

I'm so glad you have come so far... for I too have traveled such a similiar road.. and I am a child in progress for God...

I appreciate you... love you where you are.. appreciate all your prayers..

you are such a special person...
thank you and all my love your way
Connie