Thursday, August 21, 2025

A WOMAN LIKE ME
FIG LEAVES

    It began in the garden. We were unashamed, walking with the Father, our Creator, but then we sinned. We were disobedient, and we knew it. Instead of prostrating ourselves at the feet of the Father, the shame of our nakedness demanded that we cover ourselves. And then we hid.

     There is no difference in the human experience today from what it was thousands of years ago. We hide from Him, and we hide from each other, full of shame and embarrassed by our humanity.

     Didn't they know that the fig leaves would wither? It would take something much more brutal to cover what we had done—thus, the slaughter of an innocent animal.

Thus began redemption.

     It is a heavy burden when we choose to cover our sin with fabric of our own making.

     It has been many years since I first started blogging, and in my way of thinking, too many years have passed. However,

 "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the Lord.
—Isaiah 55:8-9

     My ego and my self-coverings are no longer enough to hide behind, and He has begun calling me to walk naked before Him without shame.

     Sometimes we give that lying lizard too much credit for the hard times in our lives. A Father who loves us enough to chastise us and lead us deeper into the knowledge that He alone is our source. It took His hand of correction in my life to get me to where I am today. Sometimes in that correction, I felt my very life was coming to an end. He will step down into the pits that we have dug for ourselves, and with His tender mercy, He will move us into a place of brokenness. It is in the darkness of those pits, where our lives lay in pieces at our feet, that our sight is being restored.

A lot of things broke my heart, 

but fixed my vision.

     I have always prayed He would allow me this one thing: that my journey to the cross, as rough and ugly as it has been, might spare just one person from the grip of heartache. The kind of heartache that is debilitating to the human soul.

     I have cried, and prayed, and believed—and cried, and prayed, and believed. I have begged and cried more, yet the heavens remained silent. Or so it seemed. I needed healing, and I needed to be free from the strongholds that gripped my heart and soul. For years I struggled with guilt and shame, and it plagued my life. I needed the freedom that the Word promises.

"Peace I leave with you; My peace I give unto you, not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid." —John 14:27

     Sometimes the healing that we so long for lies right before our eyes, but it takes the Holy Spirit to become involved. It is then that our eyes are opened, and the healing that we have longed for comes to life.

Revelation 12:11
And they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb, and by the word of their testimony; and they loved not their lives unto the death.

     I have read this scripture more times than I can count. I have quoted it and shared it with many people over the years. Yet, I have never applied it to myself.

     The title of my blog, "Samaritan Women Among You," is the story of the woman at the well in John Chapter 4. If you have never read her story, take a few minutes and read it. As you read, put yourself in her place for just a brief moment. Even if you have never felt the crushing reality of divorce, betrayal, and loneliness, try to imagine what it might be like to hang your head in shame and regret, along with a plethora of other emotions that many of us navigate through each day. Women like me have experienced it all.

      Try to experience her hopelessness. For in that hopelessness, her vision of tomorrow holds no promise that life will ever be different.

     We walk among you every day. You pass us on the street and in the grocery store. You see us in the doctor's office and sit beside us on the pews on Sunday morning.

    

     I have studied that woman. I have followed her to the well in the middle of the day. I have watched her approach the well only to see a man sitting nearby. I watch as she pulls back into herself, trying to be invisible. I watch as she becomes defensive, a weapon she is all too familiar with. She braces for yet another knowing glance of condemnation. But that glance never came. She would meet the Savior that day.

     I know exactly what she felt. I know exactly what it feels like for others to cast a side glance toward me. I know exactly what it feels like to wear a scarlet letter of shame and regret. I know what it is like to wear the title "second-class Christian," a title that, most of the time, I applied to myself. I know; I have lived it for many years. I know what it is like to sit on a church pew, worshiping with fellow believers, while praying they will never find out who I really am. That kind of fear paralyzes you. It is the job of the enemy of our souls, and he rejoices when he sees the chains that have us bound.

     Some of us are prone to wander in our journeys, and I am one of those women. I was hard-headed, and at one time, I shook my fist at a God I did not know yet as my Father and shouted, "No one will ever tell me what to do again!" That statement, back in 1977, would bring me to this place: lying prostrate on the floor in the middle of the night, screaming into pillows so no one could hear.

     Even in my darkness, I did not consider my pain important enough to be heard.

     Broken people seeking love and acceptance takes them to places where there are only broken people seeking love and acceptance—and that is a recipe for disaster.

     My testimony has been forged in the fires of abuse and heartache—regrets that keep me awake at night. Memories that cause me to cringe instead of smile. A lifetime of making decisions that set into motion the unbelievable sorrow that has enslaved me. However, in telling my story, I pray you will see Jesus. After all, my testimony is not for my sake, but for someone who might read it.

     This has to be a journey of healing. It has to be the way for overcoming the darkness that has followed me for so many decades.

I need the healing.

     If just one person, walking in shame as I have for so many years, catches just a glimmer of His face turned toward them and understands that they are precious in the sight of the Savior, Redeemer, then my journey has been worth the scars.

After all, there are a plethora of Samaritan women among you. This is their story.    


IF THIS IS HEALING, LET IT BEGIN

      Denise




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Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Sweetly Broken

There are a lot of songs that come along in our lives that touch our hearts, but sometimes there are those songs that change us........  This is one of those songs in my life..........  







TO THE CROSS I LOOK AND TO THE CROSS I CLING
OF IT'S SUFFERING I DO DRINK
OF IT'S WORK I DO SING

ON IT MY SAVIOR BOTH BRUISED AND CRUSHED
SHOWED THAT GOD IS LOVE
AND GOD IS JUST

AT THE CROSS YOU BECKON ME
YOU DRAW ME GENTLY TO MY KNEES, AND I AM
LOST FOR WORDS SO LOST IN LOVE
I AM SWEETLY BROKEN WHOLLY SURRENDERED

WHAT A PRICELESS GIFT UNDESERVED LIFE
HAVE I BEEN GIVEN
THROUGH CHRIST CRUCIFIED

YOU CALLED ME OUT OF DEATH
YOU CALLED ME INTO LIFE
AND I WAS UNDER YOUR WRATH
NOW THROUGH THE CROSS IM RECONCILED

AT THE CROSS YOU BECKON ME
YOU DRAW ME GENTLY TO MY KNEES AND I AM
LOST FOR WORDS SO LOST IN LOVE,
I AM SWEETLY BROKEN WHOLLY SURRENDERED

AT THE CROSS YOU BECKON ME
YOU DRAW ME GENTLY TO MY KNEES AND I AM
LOST FOR WORDS SO LOST IN LOVE,
I AM SWEETLY BROKEN WHOLLY SURRENDERED

IN AWE OF THE CROSS I MUST CONFESS
HOW WONDROUS YOUR REDEEMING LOVE AND
HOW GREAT IS YOUR FAITHFULNESS

AT THE CROSS YOU BECKON ME
YOU DRAW ME GENTLY TO MY KNEES AND I AM
LOST FOR WORDS SO LOST IN LOVE
I AM SWEETLY BROKEN WHOLLY SURRENDERED

AT THE CROSS YOU BECKON ME
YOU DRAW ME GENTLY TO MY KNEES AND I AM
LOST FOR WORDS SO LOST IN LOVE
I AM SWEETLY BROKEN WHOLLY SURRENDERED

IM BROKEN FOR YOU
IM BROKEN FOR YOU MY LORD
JESUS, WHAT LOVE IS THIS
I AM SWEETLY BROKEN




Denise

Thursday, September 15, 2011

In Their Honor - I Forgive Myself...




 In Their Honor- I Forgive Myself

On year ago today I lost my little Mom. 72 days before that I lost my precious little Dad. It has been a year filled with the darkest depression as I have never known. I was totally unprepared for the grief that was fixing to invade my life.

In the 8 years that I took care of Mom and Dad there were some wonderful times and there were a few hard times. As the years passed by their care became more and more demanding and I became more and more exhausted and overwhelmed and yes some days angry.

I allowed some outside influence to determine my attitude sometimes and although thought myself to be more discerning than that, I allowed the enemy to invade the camp and bring turmoil.

I was thrown into being a caregiver

and had to leave the daughter relationship in shadow of taking care of pills fixing 3 meals a day, doctor appointments laundry sickness in the middle of the night.
Day after day as the demand grew to mega proportions the last 6 months was more than any one person could even think to do. However, I was dog determined to keep those two little people together to the end of their days.
Maybe that was unreasonable, maybe, but in the end, with the help of the Lord, no no, with a LOT of help from the Lord they lived side by side with the exception of the 72 days between their death and I am THANKFUL to the Lord that HE allowed me to accomplish that.

HOWEVER
I made mistakes and I had days that me and the personality differences between me and Dad were full blown. There were times that we did not speak for days. I allowed myself to become part of that and not rise above it. Me and Dad were like oil and water my entire life and when he was thrown into a patient, so to speak, relationship with me just caused that oil and water to become magnified.

We had our days.

I knew better, I was stronger than that. The deceiver became the stronger and I struggle with that. Tired and worn out and vulnerable to his influence. There were some days that I just did not rise above it.

There were not many of those days but of course the enemy enhances those memories and not the multitude of days that we laughed.

This past year has gone by so very quickly,

I really do not know where the days have gone. I have accomplished nothing. I have not read much or worked in my shop much, I have not painted the inside of my house as I had planned. I have grieved and I wept bitter tears for my failure and for the loss of my Dad who was my best friend and my mom that always smiled and never spoke a harsh word. I have begged God to forgive me and begged HIM again and again to tell Mom and Dad that I am sorry.

The pain of regret, it is bitter and it is a hot poker that hurts our hearts each days as we allow it.

I am human,

I am a one dimensional creation serving a multifaceted multidimensional Creator that sees the beginning and the end where we only see the what lies just in front of our face.

HE is love personified in HIS son Christ 

who loves unconditionally and we love conditionally no matter how hard we try to do the opposite. We are flesh and flesh fails.

HE saw every day of those 8 years

long before I even knew that HE would ask me to do that. HE saw every mistake and ever argument and every tear long before we even had any idea that those years were upon us.

HE saw me, in my weakness

and my humanity and HE knew there were days that I would fail, HE knew that. BUT HE trusted me anyway. What a powerful thought, and it is that thought or should I say that reality that has began to bring healing to my heart. HE KNEW ......



BUT HE trusted me anyway.

Today, I am well on my way to healing and well on my way to picking out paint and beginning to create in my shop. I do not cry much and when I do it is just because I miss them so. The grief has become my teacher and in the midst of it all it has taught me that no matter how we fail and no matter the times that we miss the mark, HE believes in us and if we allow HIM ,

HE will bring forgiveness and healing.

Have you ever wondered how HE heals a heart? I have. It is not a heart of flesh that HE speaks to, or a heart of flesh that HE whispers sweet peace but a heart that only HE sees and only HE can touch.

We are unaware when in the midst of our storm that HE has already begun to heal, but as time passes we know, we feel HIM in the midst of the pain. HE begins to bring healing just as we have asked HIM to.

Today, my heart is healed
and I no longer feel the need to beg HIM for forgiveness, I no longer feel the need to beg HIM for assurance that they are home and safe and well. I no longer grieve for the past failures but I focus on the wonderful wonderful days that HE allowed me to become HIS servant and love those little people as they made their way to being at home with HIM.

Now the task before me, to forgive myself.
To allow myself to be human and understand that no matter how hard we try, we are going to fail as long as we reside in this flesh and blood body.

Today I honor the memory of my Mom and Dad.
I honor their lives with forgiving myself. I honor their lives by living mine. I honor them by forgiving those that caused harm and tears and hurt me during those hard years.

I honor them by being the best I can for my life and I honor them for knowing that I did my very best by them and in the end, they knew that.

I honor you Mom and Dad. You were wonderful kind and loving parents, and I miss you so..


Denise

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

What's Love Got To Do With It?



WHAT'S LOVE GOT TO DO WITH IT

     If we do not believe that Jesus Christ was the Son of God and that he died on Calvary and was buried in a borrowed tomb and that He rose on the third day, then we are wasting our time to call ourselves Christian. Easter is the culmination of everything that Christ lived for. It is the proof of whom He said He was and who He was.

     Calvary was not the completed purpose of Christ. Calvary was just the beginning of a Kingdom that will not end. God never intended us to look at Calvary as a means of getting to heaven; heaven is just a by-product of Calvary. Calvary purchased everything that Heaven holds. His kingdom dwells on the earth in the hearts and souls of each of us that are called by His name. The kingdom of God now is within us. 

     We need not go here or go there to find the presence of God, for the presence of God lives within us, and that was bought and paid for by Calvary. He died so we are no longer under the curse of the law of sin and death. No longer need to live in fear of the death and a place that lies beyond the grave. What Calvary purchased is life. Free from guilt of the past, free from fear of the future. Free for us to grieve but not as others grieve, but to grieve with hope. Calvary gives us the right to love each other as God loved us.

Calvary is the gift of God to a lost and dying world that has no hope to live, let alone die.

     If you need a reason to live then Calvary provides that reason. If you need a reason to hope then that hope lies within that wooden cross on Golgotha. We needed a pathway in which to walk and Calvary leads the way. For us to look upon the cross that Jesus died on and wish for a better place is to take away the very purpose for which He came. The bible tells us that He came that we might have life and life more abundant,,,,,,,,,,and then eternal life.
John 10:10

   The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly.

  Jesus did not die so that we could have life some day; He died that we might have life now. Now I know that this following scripture is long, but please take the time to read it, it will melt your heart. What love the Father has for us:

Isaiah 53: 1-6

  Who hath believed our report and to who is the arm of the LORD revealed?
  For he shall grow up before him as a tender plant, and as a root out of a dry ground: he hath no form nor comeliness; and when we shall see him, there is no beauty that we should desire him.
 He is despised and rejected of men; a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief: and we hid as it were our faces from him; he was despised, and we esteemed him not.


 Surely he hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows: yet we did esteem him stricken, smitten of God, and afflicted.
  But he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with his stripes we are healed.
  All we like sheep have gone astray; we have turned every one to his own way; and the LORD hath laid on him the iniquity of us all.

  Christ died so that we might live now, not someday when we get to heaven, but now.
 In Heaven there is no need of healing, there is no sorrow that will break our hearts. Grief cannot enter those gates and there will be no sin or transgressions in that City. God loved us so very much that he put our sin and our transgression upon Jesus. God hung Him on a cross and then turned His back as the sin of the world rushed toward Calvary.

Mark 15:34

And at the ninth hour Jesus cried with a loud voice, saying, Eloi, Eloi, lama sabachthani? Which is, being interpreted, My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me?

  Calvary, a place where God and man met. Calvary a force that tore the veil of the temple from the top to the bottom. Calvary is the spoken invitation for us to come and dine with the creator of the entire universe. Calvary says to the world of the lost and the dying that love conquers all things. Love handed Jesus to the crowd that day, love held Him on the cross. Love is why God turned His back and love is the reason that Jesus chose to stay suspended between heaven and earth. If we are called by Christ, if we have confessed our allegiance to the King of Kings and have not love, then we are as sounding brass and tinkling cymbals.

1Co. 13:1-7

  Though I speak with the tongues of men and angels, and have not charity, I am become as sounding brass , or a tinkling cymbal. 
  And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries, and all knowledge; and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, and have not charity, I am nothing.
  And though I bestow all my good to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, and have not charity, it profiteth me nothing.
  Love suffereth long, and is kind; love envieth not; love vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up. 
  Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil;
  Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth; 7 Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.

  Love never fails and if we do not love then our journey is in vain.

   We have to no longer talk the talk, but walk the walk. We must love in word and DEED. It is the will of Christ in your life. Love not only speaks, love acts.

  If we love only those that love us and we are at odds with our families, if we fail to honor our mother and father, if we say that we love God and hate those around us then we are only fooling ourselves. Be not deceived, God is not mocked, and whatsoever we sew we shall reap.

Galatians 6:7 

  Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap.

  We must always remember the story of the Last Supper of Christ. It was just before Calvary. He had eaten with the disciples and after eating he got up and poured water into a basin and began to wash the feet of HIS disciples.

We read:

John 13:5 After that, he poured water into a basin and began to wash his disciples' feet, drying them with the towel that was wrapped around him.
John 13:6 He came to Simon Peter, who said to him, "Lord, are you going to wash my feet?"
John 13:7 Jesus replied, "You do not realize now what I am doing, but later you will understand."
John 13:8 "No," said Peter, "you shall never wash my feet." Jesus answered, "Unless I wash you, you have no part with me."
John 13:9 "Then, Lord," Simon Peter replied, "not just my feet but my hands and my head as well!"
John 13:10 Jesus answered, "A person who has had a bath needs only to wash his feet; his whole body is clean. And you are clean, though not every one of you."

  Listen to what Peter is saying. Lord if you are going to wash my feet then please wash all of me. Jesus told HIM that has once been washed they need only to wash his feet.

  We are saved by grace and once we have been washed in the blood of Christ we become born again. No longer should we live in condemnation of the sin of our past. There are those among us that would tell us that we as Christians should never again sin. That is impossible! We are human and until we shed this body of flesh and blood we are going to sin. That is what Jesus was trying to tell Peter.

  Peter HE said, once you have been washed you need not be washed again but as you journey though this world and you will get your feet dirty. You will sin, but come to me and I will wash away the dirt of the world in which you now walk.

  We need to confess our sin daily. We may not even know what that sin is. If it is not Holy it is Unholy and if Unholy then it is sin.

  There is a life that we live as believers but during that life we will sin. A bad thought or attitude or anger or envy or strife…….. we could go on. Those things in our lives are a product of sin.

  Thus, we have need of our feet being washed by going to the Father and confessing our sin and having HIM forgive us of our human ways and washing our feet. We do not need to once again be born again, but just letting HIM cleanse us from all unrighteous that lives within this flesh that we call our home right now.

  HE wants us to understand that as HE goes to Calvary, HE is paying the price of our sin.

  HE is washing it away. Our past sin our present sin and our future sin. Washed away. HE knows what sin you will commit tomorrow or next week or next month. HE knows. We are human. Without forgiveness for all our sin we would live in fear. We need not live in fear. HE has paid the price for the sins of the world. Your sin and my sin is paid. We need only come to him with a repentant heart, confess that we fall short of the life we should live. Confess that we are human with human weakness and HE is faithful and just to forgive us for those failures. HE will wash our feet and once again we enter into the Holy of Holy’s to approach the throne with boldness.

  Easter season, season of great joy. 

  HE has paid the price for life today and eternity for tomorrow. A gift from the Father to us. Embrace Calvary with joy and gratitude. HE died…….. We live…….. HE came out of that grave……… we too will come out of our graves…… and ONLY because of HIS blood that we cry out Abba Father.

   I pray that you take this devotional in the spirit in which it was written. We all struggle with situations every day that will test the love of God in our hearts. We are hurt and others even hurt those that we love. Even as I write this I deal with emotions that cause the anger in me to rise up. We need to take this Easter season and lay our hearts on the altar of God and allow Him to give us a greater vision of His love.
  We are in desperate need of more grace and more understanding. We need more patience and please give us patience now. The world is watching and they keep a close eye on how we treat each other. Jesus even told us that the world will know us by the love that we have for the brethren

John 13:35

  By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another.

  Take time and right the wrongs in your life. Ask forgiveness from those that you have offended and forgive those that have offended. Ask the Father to give you a greater awareness of the love that cost Him Jesus. Let us open our hearts to the love of God that will drive us to our knees and repent with many tears of the hardness of our hearts toward our brothers and sisters.

  Embrace your mother and father and thank God for them. Touch that husband or wife as to melt their heart. Kiss the cheeks of a brother or sister. Shake the hand of a stranger and be a stranger no more. Thank your God that there are no boundaries when it comes to redeeming a soul.

What’s love got to do with it,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, Everything.

In Christ

Denise