Ladies, I know I told you that the last in postings on divorce would be short but I was compelled by the Lord to share with you this one story. It is a bit long but I promise you it will be worth your time, and it might, just might save the life of some little gal you might meet down the road.
Love you all lots and thanks for reading and thanks for the wonderful comments......
Love you all lots and thanks for reading and thanks for the wonderful comments......
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The verbal abuse was daily now, it used to be only when he was in a bad mood, but seems his mood was bad most of the time now. The physical abuse was escalating and he was becoming more violent with each rage. Swollen eyes and back and blue marks, bruised ribs and marks that no one every saw, scars and bruises on my spirit and heart. I had been born again only a few months and he was not happy about that. The spiritual warfare in the home was thick enough to breath. Of course I had no idea what that was.
My spirit man was hungry for the Lord but my flesh lived in fear of him seeing me with a bible. Late nights and afternoons while he was gone was best.
Don't know what started the fight this particular night but things go bad quick. It did not take much, dinner too hot or too cold or dishes sitting on the sink counter, or the car was moved and he wanted to know where I had been. This evening things got out of hand quick, but this time he chose to take it out on my son, or so he thought. I got between him and the boys and took the full fury of his demonic rage. The boys hurried to the car and as soon as I could escape his grip I followed them and I headed home to Grandmothers, a place of safety. I was about 30 miles from Grandma's house but I made a stop along the way to another house about 2 miles from me.
Battered and bleeding and broken ribs and broken spirit I left my two boys with the friends and collected a double barrel shot gun with instructions as to how to shoot. I headed back to the country to collect a few items that were precious to me and some money hid in a sock. By the time I got back he had consumed countless beers and was semi passed out. I moved past him (he was sitting on the porch) into the house and the bedroom where I had a few things ready to go at all times. Collecting the items I moved past him and headed to the car. I was about half way across the yard when I heard him stand up.
Out of his mouth poured vile cursing from the pits of hell and threats that he could get to me before I could reach the car.
I am not sure where the courage came from or maybe you choose to call it something else. Reaching the car and knowing that he was coming up behind me, I reached inside the back window and retrieved the shotgun from the seat. Turning to face him (as he was halfway to me) he stopped. I am thankful to the Lord that he stopped. I very quietly told him that if he took another step he would be facing God and not a God as his savior but a God as his judge and I advised him that he really did not want to do that. He backed quietly to the porch; I slid into the front seat and quickly drove away.
After spending three days with Grandmother, I made the decision to go home. I left the boys with her as it was summertime and no need to worry about school. I remember praying as I left the house for direction and guidance. I could not face another divorce , I just could not. I was pouring my heart out to my new found Father as I drove the 30 miles to the country. I remember praying and praying that if I was in mortal danger of losing my life (of course I was in danger) that HE would stop me. I remember exactly where on the highway I asked those things.
As I drove up into my yard that day, it was around noon or so and there as a strange car in the drive way. It bore Texas tags and I heard music coming from my back door. When I turned the handle I found it locked, and at that very moment the door opened, and there she stood, his exwife. I had met her several times in the past when she would come to visit her son that would spend some summer months with us. She stood looking at me and I am sure that there was shock on my face as well. Long story short, he had called her and asked her to please come and move in with him and bring their son. She was in my home, cooking dinner on my brand new stove, placing my dishes on my table and cooking my food. I moved past her for just a few minutes and gathered what I could put in the car, clothes is all she would let me have.
You have to understand that it was my house and everything in it was mine long before I met him. The home was the first one I remember it was so perfect for me and the boys. Two acres out in the country with two huge ponds with lots of fish. Nothing bore his name and nothing in the home belonged to him except his clothes.
It is not about the things, it is about the heartache at that moment.
I drove home in silence , back to grandmothers and I can tell you that the brokenness of my heart was overwhelming at times and at times I had to stop the car just to catch my breath. How could this be, where is God? Not another divorce. I could not bear the thought of my future. Praying through the sobs I continued home. It was then almost at the exact place in the road earlier that I had prayed that HE keep me safe from harm and stop me if I needed to be stopped, something came over me like a cool mist. It filled my car and I was so overwhelmed with the "feeling" that I looked around to see if I had gone through a summer shower. It was not outside it was inside the car. There were no voices, no thunder or lightning, just an overwhelming sense of not being alone. I finished the trip home without the sobbing and with peace that HE would work things out.
It was almost 8 months latter that I finally decided that I needed to deal with my home. I was working hard at two jobs and trying to give my boys a peaceful life but I was making a house payment on that house that they were living in. Paying the insurance and taxes and payments and it needed to end. Armed with eviction notice and the local sheriff I once more pulled into the driveway that I once called home. They were there, they were served with the eviction notice and were given 24 hours to vacate the property, 24 hours later they were gone and there was not even a piece of paper left behind. Everything that I owned was gone, clothes and toys and furniture and pictures and well, you know what all it takes to make up a home. I had the option of filing papers on them but decided that God had saved me from certain death and things could be replaced.
I went to a Christian attorney more than a year and half after this happened and filed for divorce.
Many years later, I would be studying the word of God and I came across this scripture.
let her not leave him.1 Corth 7:13
And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her,
New Testament Greek word eudokeĊ (pleased) be well please, have pleasure, be willing, be (one's) good pleasure, take pleasure, think good, it seems good to one, is one's good pleasure think it good, choose, determine, decide class to do willingly to be ready to, to prefer, choose rather to be well pleased with, take pleasure in, to be favorably inclined towards one.
A Man that is beating you is NOT pleased to dwell.......
Did I have the right to walk out that night and leave him and go toward safety. You bet your sweet butt I did. Did I have the right to flee from a man that was not "pleased" to dwell with me. You bet I did.
We are NOT punching bags for the demons and devils of hell to take their frustrations out on. We do NOT have a Father God that tells us to "be a good Christian" and let him beat you and abuse you.
HE has made provision for us. I have had the opportunity in the past to council with women in the shelters about the love of God. I have told them that NO they do not need to go back in order for God to love them, how absurd. Do not put yourself in harm's way. Let God deal with that situation but get yourself out of the middle of it.
I do not say run and divorce, I say run!
Let God work and change that man, let God do what God does best, rescue you from certain danger. HE (God) will either get to the mans heart and change him or God will loose you from that hold. Which ever way it goes, know that God is so in love with you and HE is a jealous lover and HE will set your feet on solid ground.
Are we looking for justifiable sin... NO..... but we are in need of wisdom. My people are destroyed because of the lack of knowledge. What knowledge? The knowledge that God has made provision for EVERY single thing in your life and HE has giving specific instruction on everything that you can encounter.
I have no doubt in my mind that I would have been dead years ago and my two boys harmed or scattered had I remained in that home. If you know of someone that is being abused, offer them sanctuary in the word of God, offer them hope and life outside of being beat and abused.
For far too long religion has held us captive in prison without bars and God was unreachable to the broken woman. HE is not unreachable and HIS heart breaks every time a man lays his hands on a woman. It is not in the plan , it is not what is intended.......
For that very reason HE placed a few scriptures in the book of John and did not give her a name and in those scriptures is the epitome of Grace. It is by definition the pure gospel of Christ. HE came to save the sinner... The woman at the well, the prostitute the drug addict, the alcoholic in the gutter laying in his own vomit. The lost and undone and the unlovable the divorced and the unworthy sinners were made worthy by the shed blood of the Christ.
1 John 4:7
Beloved, let us love one another: for love is of God; and every one that loveth is born of God, and knoweth God.
My spirit man was hungry for the Lord but my flesh lived in fear of him seeing me with a bible. Late nights and afternoons while he was gone was best.
Don't know what started the fight this particular night but things go bad quick. It did not take much, dinner too hot or too cold or dishes sitting on the sink counter, or the car was moved and he wanted to know where I had been. This evening things got out of hand quick, but this time he chose to take it out on my son, or so he thought. I got between him and the boys and took the full fury of his demonic rage. The boys hurried to the car and as soon as I could escape his grip I followed them and I headed home to Grandmothers, a place of safety. I was about 30 miles from Grandma's house but I made a stop along the way to another house about 2 miles from me.
Battered and bleeding and broken ribs and broken spirit I left my two boys with the friends and collected a double barrel shot gun with instructions as to how to shoot. I headed back to the country to collect a few items that were precious to me and some money hid in a sock. By the time I got back he had consumed countless beers and was semi passed out. I moved past him (he was sitting on the porch) into the house and the bedroom where I had a few things ready to go at all times. Collecting the items I moved past him and headed to the car. I was about half way across the yard when I heard him stand up.
Out of his mouth poured vile cursing from the pits of hell and threats that he could get to me before I could reach the car.
I am not sure where the courage came from or maybe you choose to call it something else. Reaching the car and knowing that he was coming up behind me, I reached inside the back window and retrieved the shotgun from the seat. Turning to face him (as he was halfway to me) he stopped. I am thankful to the Lord that he stopped. I very quietly told him that if he took another step he would be facing God and not a God as his savior but a God as his judge and I advised him that he really did not want to do that. He backed quietly to the porch; I slid into the front seat and quickly drove away.
After spending three days with Grandmother, I made the decision to go home. I left the boys with her as it was summertime and no need to worry about school. I remember praying as I left the house for direction and guidance. I could not face another divorce , I just could not. I was pouring my heart out to my new found Father as I drove the 30 miles to the country. I remember praying and praying that if I was in mortal danger of losing my life (of course I was in danger) that HE would stop me. I remember exactly where on the highway I asked those things.
As I drove up into my yard that day, it was around noon or so and there as a strange car in the drive way. It bore Texas tags and I heard music coming from my back door. When I turned the handle I found it locked, and at that very moment the door opened, and there she stood, his exwife. I had met her several times in the past when she would come to visit her son that would spend some summer months with us. She stood looking at me and I am sure that there was shock on my face as well. Long story short, he had called her and asked her to please come and move in with him and bring their son. She was in my home, cooking dinner on my brand new stove, placing my dishes on my table and cooking my food. I moved past her for just a few minutes and gathered what I could put in the car, clothes is all she would let me have.
You have to understand that it was my house and everything in it was mine long before I met him. The home was the first one I remember it was so perfect for me and the boys. Two acres out in the country with two huge ponds with lots of fish. Nothing bore his name and nothing in the home belonged to him except his clothes.
It is not about the things, it is about the heartache at that moment.
I drove home in silence , back to grandmothers and I can tell you that the brokenness of my heart was overwhelming at times and at times I had to stop the car just to catch my breath. How could this be, where is God? Not another divorce. I could not bear the thought of my future. Praying through the sobs I continued home. It was then almost at the exact place in the road earlier that I had prayed that HE keep me safe from harm and stop me if I needed to be stopped, something came over me like a cool mist. It filled my car and I was so overwhelmed with the "feeling" that I looked around to see if I had gone through a summer shower. It was not outside it was inside the car. There were no voices, no thunder or lightning, just an overwhelming sense of not being alone. I finished the trip home without the sobbing and with peace that HE would work things out.
It was almost 8 months latter that I finally decided that I needed to deal with my home. I was working hard at two jobs and trying to give my boys a peaceful life but I was making a house payment on that house that they were living in. Paying the insurance and taxes and payments and it needed to end. Armed with eviction notice and the local sheriff I once more pulled into the driveway that I once called home. They were there, they were served with the eviction notice and were given 24 hours to vacate the property, 24 hours later they were gone and there was not even a piece of paper left behind. Everything that I owned was gone, clothes and toys and furniture and pictures and well, you know what all it takes to make up a home. I had the option of filing papers on them but decided that God had saved me from certain death and things could be replaced.
I went to a Christian attorney more than a year and half after this happened and filed for divorce.
Many years later, I would be studying the word of God and I came across this scripture.
let her not leave him.1 Corth 7:13
And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her,
New Testament Greek word eudokeĊ (pleased) be well please, have pleasure, be willing, be (one's) good pleasure, take pleasure, think good, it seems good to one, is one's good pleasure think it good, choose, determine, decide class to do willingly to be ready to, to prefer, choose rather to be well pleased with, take pleasure in, to be favorably inclined towards one.
A Man that is beating you is NOT pleased to dwell.......
Did I have the right to walk out that night and leave him and go toward safety. You bet your sweet butt I did. Did I have the right to flee from a man that was not "pleased" to dwell with me. You bet I did.
We are NOT punching bags for the demons and devils of hell to take their frustrations out on. We do NOT have a Father God that tells us to "be a good Christian" and let him beat you and abuse you.
HE has made provision for us. I have had the opportunity in the past to council with women in the shelters about the love of God. I have told them that NO they do not need to go back in order for God to love them, how absurd. Do not put yourself in harm's way. Let God deal with that situation but get yourself out of the middle of it.
I do not say run and divorce, I say run!
Let God work and change that man, let God do what God does best, rescue you from certain danger. HE (God) will either get to the mans heart and change him or God will loose you from that hold. Which ever way it goes, know that God is so in love with you and HE is a jealous lover and HE will set your feet on solid ground.
Are we looking for justifiable sin... NO..... but we are in need of wisdom. My people are destroyed because of the lack of knowledge. What knowledge? The knowledge that God has made provision for EVERY single thing in your life and HE has giving specific instruction on everything that you can encounter.
I have no doubt in my mind that I would have been dead years ago and my two boys harmed or scattered had I remained in that home. If you know of someone that is being abused, offer them sanctuary in the word of God, offer them hope and life outside of being beat and abused.
For far too long religion has held us captive in prison without bars and God was unreachable to the broken woman. HE is not unreachable and HIS heart breaks every time a man lays his hands on a woman. It is not in the plan , it is not what is intended.......
For that very reason HE placed a few scriptures in the book of John and did not give her a name and in those scriptures is the epitome of Grace. It is by definition the pure gospel of Christ. HE came to save the sinner... The woman at the well, the prostitute the drug addict, the alcoholic in the gutter laying in his own vomit. The lost and undone and the unlovable the divorced and the unworthy sinners were made worthy by the shed blood of the Christ.
1 John 4:7
Beloved, let us love one another: for love is of God; and every one that loveth is born of God, and knoweth God.
11 comments:
cloth , same cloth different trial.
love matches it...that's the same too.
We gotta speak up don't we.
Bless you so very much for sharing, be blessed my friend.
Thanks so much for your witness. I pray each person that needs to read it will be drawn to it. I didn't know the physical abuse or have children to consider but I know the mental and verbal abuse that renders ones self esteem none existent. You are a strong mighty woman of God and I'm thankful to have you in my life.
This is heavy, Denise. May God be pleased to use it at some point in time.
Love ya Girl! Thanks for listening last night and the advice. Most of all thanks for the prayers.
Love you girl!
What an opportunity for you to minister to those who have been unwilling to run.
I have a friend who is not physically beaten...but verbally. I have walked with her for probably about 8 years....It makes me so mad that she remains. And it makes me mad to know what those children will be like as adults.
So many times I have wanted to walk..and yet I am here.
Her unwillingness to leave has built a wall between her and GOd.
It is a mess.
Sorry I had to vent.
Thanks for posting this.
Denise,
This is an awesome post and great testimony to God's love. I will pray that abused women are drawn to it.
I too have gone through the trials of abuse. I don't believe we go through things for not. I believe that the mountains we climb and the fire we walk through is all for a reason. It strengthens us and allows us to help others who are going through the same thing or something similar.
Thank you for this post and if you are reading this comment and you are being verbally, physically or mentally abused, please find a safehouse.
Blessings,
Mary
WOW...I had no idea. WOW. Let me think on this a bit.
So glad for your life, Denise. God is using your past brokenness in a mighty and powerful way, and while I'm incredibly sorry for your pain (incredibly...), I'm grateful that you are allowing those scars to be used for a greater purpose.
WOW.
peace~elaine
Love you:)
Denise,
your testimony is a very much needed one...there are many many women to stay with an abusive husband just because they think that it is the "Christian" thing to do...
thank you for having the courage to tell your story...
You are my hero...
Mimi
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