Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Through His Death- Restoration

Monday June 28th they gave my Dad 24-48 hours to live.  Tuesday July 29th early in the afternoon everyone was going to go home and take a nap and get something to eat. That left me alone with Dad. He was very conscious and talking and we had a precious two hours just to visit. We talked about a lot of things and laughed and cried. I have been caregiver to my Mom and Dad for many years now and the past year it has been just about 24/7. 

You could describe my relationship with my father as oil and water. Never the two to mix and according to my older brother PE it has always been like that. When I was old enough to put two words together and call it a sentence I was at odds with Dad. You see Dad was from the old school where women would keep house and cook and raise the kids and God gave me an attitude and the ability to share that attitude. That did not make for a sweet little daughter that Dad dreamed of. 

That Tuesday in the hospital we talked about the difficult times the past three years and I told him he had been quite the little butt. He laughed and agreed. I told him that I had forgiven him for being a butt and asked for forgiveness for being a butt back.  We cried.

I believe that God gave me those two hours so it could be just me and my Dad.  Not as caregiver but as daughter that was having to say goodbye to her Dad. 

Sometime during that afternoon Dad began to feel better and requested to get up and sit in his chair. I was amazed but we called for the PT guys to get him up.

I had been told by my younger son Chris that he had contacted my first born Darryl that lives in Springdale Ak.  Now many of you that have followed my blogs know that me and my son Darryl have been estranged for the most part of 23 years now. I have cried an prayed and cried and prayed for many many years now for that relationship to be restored.  I think it was sometime last year that I just had all I wanted and told the Lord that if HE could fix it then fine. I was letting go and and I would no longer pray about restoration. Fix it Lord was my last pray regarding my son Darryl.  

I had no idea it would take the death of my father. 

Sometime early afternoon around 3 or so into the room came both my son Chris and my son Darryl. It was awkward. I think it had been 4-5 years since I had seen him and I just did not know what to say. He first spoke to his grandfather (with whom he shares a birthday December 10) and gave him a hug and then turned to speak to me and asked me if I was going to give him a hug, and hug him I did.  I cried.

It was the most amazing couple of hours after that. Dad sat in his chair and laughed and talked and both boys laughed and laughed at the still so strong sense of humor that my Dad always seemed to have. 

It was a gift of God to my father and also to me.  

Soon the room began to fill with other members of the family and as evening rolled around it was time for Darryl to head home. Me an Chris walked Darryl out the hospital into the parking lot.  It was hard to say goodbye, but before he walked from us he asked if he could pray…  AND PRAY he did, and by the time he finished we three stood with tears flooding down our faces and the restoration of a mother to a son and a brother to a brother had been accomplished.  I cannot tell you what great joy filled my soul and in sorrow we said goodbye but in the knowing that while separated by miles hearts would never be again apart. 

My son Darryl sent a text message to me later after having left the hospital.  It said in part that even when my Dad was dying he was concerned for me and my two boys. I did not understand the message and later had the opportunity to ask Darryl to explain. 

You see, I do not have clear memory of those last few days and it seems that Dad was more concerned about me and Darryl and Chris having time to talk than spending time with him. He told Darryl to make sure and spend time with me and talk. “You have not spent enough time talking” . Chris assured Dad that they would find time to talk but for the moment they were wanting to spend time with him. 

He made the statement one more time.  

Darryl shared that with me only last night.  I cried.  Even when so very very ill Dad was watching out for me. Even when he most likely knew that those precious moments spent with his two grandsons would be his last here on earth, his heart was turned toward me and my boys.  

My brother Paul spoke at my Dad funeral service and although I do not have it here I so remember the very last statement that he made before returning to Mothers side.

In this life, he gave back more than he took”  

That was my Dad, in his home going, he gave me a gift most precious.  My son Darryl………

Hold fast to your faith, you never know when the Father God will answer. 

Chris, Dad and Darryl December 1977 


sunnycalgirl said...

My heart goes out to you but I rejoice with you in the reconciliation between family members. I can relate big time in the loss of years of not spending quality time with children. I am encouraged. When my mother passed away in May she had not spoken for many, many years and my sister was caregiver to her 24/7...God is good and He answers prayers. He is healer, deliverer and comforter..

creativedawn said...
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creativedawn said...
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creativedawn said...
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creativedawn said...

You seem to have a great understanding of the Bible and it's contents, forgive me if I misquote...Actually don't go into quoting verbatim passages, but I like to think that I live by the spirit of what I've been taught so many years ago... So all I wanted to say is that it IS my experience that the Lord does work in mysterious ways...his wondrous works behold. That is what comes to mind as I read your story today. It is a great happiness when the prodigal comes home: when family relationship (once thought broken) are united in love. Forgiveness is one of God's blessings. God bless you and your family. What an awesome man your Dad is...

Karen said...

Oh, Denise...tears of joy are filling my eyes...all I can add to your account is...God is so good!

Annette said...

Between this blog and your song that is being played I am balling!!!!!!!! God ALWAYS answers our prayers in HIS time, on HIS clock, I am reminded of when I was little very little, I didnt have my real daddy in my life when I was little and every night when I would go to bed I would say "God please let me meet my daddy one day " and it happened when I was a preteen, I didnt get to make memories with my daddy when I was little, but I got to as an young adult, and God had his reason for having us both wait on our reunion!! Your story is a powerful testimony to us and others use it and witness to others who have let their faith in our Lord dwindle down to bring relight their candle!! This is giving me the chills now, I am happy so so happy cause I prayed about this to Lord for you, God just spoke to me...I prayed that your son would walk down the road to your house and there he'd stand asking for forgiveness and for prayer, and look he and you and your other son stood in the parking lot praying, it ended better all 3 of you together!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thank you Lord for hearing and answering my prayers for my sister Denise!!!!


Jackie said...

Oh, Denise.......what a wonderful testimony of the goodness and faithfulness of our God!!! I'm weeping tears of rejoicing for you dear sister!!

The Lord gave me and my dad the opportunity to "mend" fences before he passed, too!.......Just thinking about it now, I'm overwhelmed.......God is so good!

So happy about you and your son!! Who would of thought that the Lord would have brought ya'lls reconciliation this way......His way is always perfect!!

Praying for you as you make decisions for your mom!

He is Faithful!

Luv, Hugs and Sweet Blessings!

Love Bears All Things said...

What a gift! Yes, I knew about the estrangement and the sorrow and heartache in your Mother's heart...I am so thankful for this reunion...Praise!
Mama Bear

"Just Me - NC Beth" said...

Denise, I am so glad that your son made it to spend some time with his granddad and of course, with you.

God is so good!!


Anonymous said...


Ramblins of a middle-aged goddess said...

WOW!! I am so glad that I saw this on facebook and stopped over to see your blog!! This was all God given I so so believe!! Your dad in his last few hours and days on this earth wanted to make sure that you and your sons were re-united again!! I think once that happened your Dad was ready to go!! what a blessing!! I so hope that you and your son Darryl will keep in touch and do what your dad would have wanted for you both..Love Sandy


I went through a similar experience when both my parents died 5 weeks apart in 1999. My heart goes out to you.

God bless you and your family


BTW, if you are not already following my blog the next time you visit you are more than welcome to become one if you want to.

Angie Knight said...

Oh how mighty faithful is our GOD!

I rejoice in this victory!! Love you!
I'm off for Honduras shortly! I'll post re: Mission Trip, but won't have much visiting time--oh this thrills my heart of HOW God moved in the lives of your loved ones!

Anonymous said...

新手上路哦~請大家多支持(・ˍ・*) ............................................................

Anonymous said...

Learning makes life sweet.

Donetta said...

Denise I have wanted to call you for days, tried to find a phone number for you.
This is so HOLY
Holy holy
It was this as well for my sister and i.
It was the death of my sisters son that she and I were restored as well. Her son showed me his love for her and impressed to me the need in his spirit to know that she had another to cover her.
Oh this is just so holy
God's perfect timing for the ways of His are so much higher than ours.

This is such a joy to see the love and to hear and the strengthening of your resolve to overcome.
The letting go removes those expectations of what and how we want things to happen.
Found that to be true in so many experience. The adoptions, they were the same.
His time is perfect

Anonymous said...

Necessity is the mother of invention.............................................................

Mary said...

My sincere condolences in the passing of your beloved earthly father. I'm so glad that he could give Darryl back to you and spend time talking to you in his last hours. You will one day be together again.

Love you, my dear friend. Sorry I haven't been in touch lately, but haven't been spending much time on my blog or FB.


Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...


The Urban Chic said...

Denise, what a wonderful gift you received. I am crying tears of joy and sorrow for you. There is nothing I can say to take your pain away and I had forgotten about your blog here. I don't let a day go by if me or one of my children have an argument without calling back and saying I'm sorry. And we had some really blown out ones, but like you, my chldren do not live close by, so hugs are always sent via emaail or phone. I am so happy that you and your son spoke. The same thing happened with my mom and me, but she left this earth knowing how much I loved her and just wanted to be loved back. Hugs my friend and may you continue to be wrapped with Jesus's arms around you. Pat

sarah said...

just found your blog. Your open honesty about your journey is amazing. Stay strong ok.

Anonymous said...

Oh, Denise, I could barely see through the tears. This has touched my heart so deeply. What a beautiful gift and what a beautiful father. I am so happy for you and yuor sons. It is amazing that I sit here and read this today and just yesterday while gardening I was thinking about how much life death produces. I learned this when my daddy went home to heaven and when other loved ones have gone. I like to think of it as life producing life.

Love and blessings sweet sis.

Anonymous said...

Beautiful post! Sorry but I just realized that I lost your blog link when our computer died...just found it via Denise's blog again. ((( hugs ))) & prayers for you. Been thinking about you a lot today.

'Tart said...

Dear Denise,
Beautiful post, as always. I'm so glad for this wonderful joy for you and your family. Love conquers all!Thank you so much for sharing.